Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
