i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
