ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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