why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
