sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My cat gives me a boner
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
