It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
