We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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