South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
