Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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