Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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