so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
MIDGETS
????
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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