i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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