Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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