I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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