I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
