You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
