When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
