That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
