We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
