The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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