man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
