are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
