I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
