I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
