Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
