I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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