well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
