her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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