Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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