I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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