i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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