WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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