i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
