My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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