My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
