"it" just moved
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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