i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
