Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
