Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she told me i tasted like america
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
