five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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