I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
