drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
