When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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