i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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