what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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