Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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