i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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