I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Pooping to opera.
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