I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
