some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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