I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
