sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
