make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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