Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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