No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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