We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my being single is dangerous.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
