My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
