I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
