i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
