so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
