You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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