So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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