i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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