If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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