I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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