Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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