also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize