Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
