i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
