____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
