At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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