I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
