Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She said her name was "party"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
