i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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